Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Might as well throw in my ten cents on Pat Robinson's Jesusade

Well... Tim and Waldo have already covered this.

So all I really have to add is that Pat and Steven Segal need to have a cage match... in the THUNDERDOME! The battle of the ages to see who has the best snake oil energy drink.

I'm not sure who would win actually. I mean, Pat might have High Fructose Christ syrup, but does he have the ASIAN EXPERIENCE?

Now if only Pat would start up a blues band...

You know... this is got me thinking. If the Glimmer Man and Pat Robyourson can have health drinks... I SHOULD START ONE TOO!

I'll call it Opossom-UP.

The idea behind it will be that you'll live forever... only look dead. Sorta like White Lightning or a zombie potion. I wonder if the sushi guy at Asian Buffet can hook me up with a little puffer venom...

I actually do hope Pat bottles his magic juice. The ads could be priceless. I wonder which catchy slogan they'll have.

I think "Jesusade... is it in you?" would probably be too Quaker for him. Although "savor the flavor of the savior" might be acceptible. They should target county youths, hanging out in the sticks all day. Those kids are sure to need a cool refreshing can of the Lord as part of their balanced trinity. Pat could never go wrong with, "to make a hot day nice, have an Iced Christ." It could tie in real nice with that rumored Captain America movie as well. Maybe they could have Captain American and Bible Man team up against the evil heathen hippy health drinks.

Ok... I'm done. I just wish Pat would be too. I poke Jesus in the ribs to make people luagh. He does it for money. Linus needs to wet-towel-whip that man's ass. Problem is he'd probably like it.



Anonymous Anonymous said...


12:38 AM  
Blogger Neosamurai85 said...

Hmmm... Cheesus eh? Pat could probably make a decent buck on an easy cheese Christ product as well.

"Give those bland communion waffers some flavor with the savior! With new Cheesus! The wholesome snack that makes the body of Christ tasty!"

It would wash down well with that cool-aid/fruit punch that most churches use. But the few that like to keep it real with the sacramental wine might find the industrial product does not mix well with it.

9:06 AM  

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