Friday, July 14, 2006

"Where did you come from, where did you go?"

So... I ain't been bloggin' much about movies have I?

Well... I've been seeing 'em... just not bloggin' much. There are a lot of reasons for this.

For one, a certain hat-wearing fellow dragged me into a very fantastic situation. Not necessarily fantastic in the sense that it was a great or rather good experience... though it would probably be fitting for if it isn't in fact too BIZZARO for even their ilk. We've sorta been trying to decide if it should be told and if so then whom would be best to tell it since it is a twisted marriage of topics that both of us blog about. Hopefully it will never surface and it can remain a story for late night campfire fat-chewing.

Another reason is the overwhelming desire to commit seppuku upon learning of the American remake of my all time favorite film ever... SEVEN SAMURAI.

What's that you say? You want to know what the big deal is? Haven't there been two previous remakes made in the US of A?

Yes... but let us look at these two remakes...

First you have The Magnificent Seven. Note this is a complete re-imagining of Seven Samurai through a cultural lens. Not all that different from Kurosawa's own re-imaginings of numerous Shakespearian dramas. In both cases the original is acknowledge but the film has the respect not to pretend to be its former. This was my problem with the Dawn of the Dead Remake. All around kickass film with a few flaws... the only REAL problem with it is that it's called "Dawn of the Dead" when it clearly is not that film. Magnificent Seven, being a western with cowboys and guns would have been silly to call Seven Samurai... but I think the logic still holds. Much like Kurosawa's The Bad Sleep Well, Thrown of Blood, and Ran all are respectable reinterpretations of Hamlet, Macbeth and King Lear. They apply the story to their culture without any illusions, making them more than remakes. Plus... Magnificent Seven is a kickass film, even if inferior to Seven Samurai.

The other may not be so obvious... Though The 13th Warrior is based off the story Eaters of the Dead you can't deny how blatantly it rips off Seven Samurai's plot. If someone objects, reasonably bringing up Beowulf, I'll break it down shot for shot as best I can recall but for now just watch the two films back to back and then say I'm full of shit. They are very similar you'll have to agree. Anyway, besides less character development the story is once again drastically reinterpreted and re-titled. Pretty entertaining as well... So again, all good!

For those of you that thought my second film was going to be Samurai 7, that's from Japan and is a mini-series. Still even that seems respectable (though I admit I have not seen it yet). In this case it is reinterpreted into the medium of anime and thus reinterpreted though its own cultural and mythological (Steampunk) lens. All around no complaint here... unless it turns out that the series sucks.

The word "reinterpretation" is spun a lot in Hollywood studios these days to try an excuse the inexcusable percentage of remakes that have been cranked out. Remake is practically a dirty word these days. And for good reason. Most of them seem to have no love for the original. They look at classics as broken down piles of scrap iron that need to be replaced by plastic toys. But you see... I don't want toys. I want a rusty steel pick up of a movie. The kind with character and the ability to crunch your big Swedish pump hunk of plastic on wheels like a soda can. Don't you dare try and pass one of those purple jacked up jokes for a 54 Chevy. Just because I can to the Arnold peck dance of HURRRCULEEEESS... doesn't mean I go into a gym and pose me French-Irish Gorilla ass like I'm Hanz and Franz!

That's why Seven Samurai remake is pissing me off. Seven Samurai is one of the least broke films I've ever seen. It's a masterpiece that sure as shit don't smell like daffodils absolutely does NOT need fixing.

Fortunately, it looks like this was one of those rumors that got out of hand and hopefully will never come to pass. I like George Clooney, but I'm pretty sure Ocean's 7-Eleven Samurai would actually result in my committing of seppuku.

There were lots of other personal reasons and what not as well. But a big reason whay I haven't been bloggin' movies has been that I've had a lot of misadventures... and Seven Samurai remake rumor really did put me into a funk with film as a whole.

I'll try and elaborate on those film misadventures tomorrow or sometime soon. For now I think I'm gonna curl up with a film or a book or something and call it a night. It's been a long day, and I'm beat.


PS. Reinterpretation...

What? I just figured I hadn't said the word "reinterpretation" enough in this entry. So I thought I's say "reinterpretation" one more time. That's all.

PPS. No that fantastic situation has nothing to do with getting opossums drunk and taking pornographic pictures of them for a new rural gentlemen's magazine that I am most certainly not affiliated with.

PPPS. Did you know Evis Costello's album Imperial Bedroom was originally going to be called P.S. I Love You? Well... it was!

PPPPPS. Remember when Leisure Suit Larry didn't suck?


Blogger Jack Landers said...

The first 3 LSL games were all AWESOME. I still go back and play them sometimes. Never did bother with that last one.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Neosamurai85 said...

If you mean Magna Cum Luade... you were very wise. The game was made without Al Lowe and is about Larry's nephew. YOU DON'T PLAY LARRY LAFFER. To me, it's right up there with Kings Quest VIII: The Mask of Eternity, Halloween 3: Season of the Witch, GINO (Godzilla In Name Only from the 98 American remake) and Scrappy-Doo as one of the great sins towards geekdom.

However... you might want to try out the last Al Lowe title, LSL7: Love for Sail. It's pretty good, but the primary reason for you to play it would have to be the sub game, "Where's Dildo?" It's a great spoof of Where's Waldo. Need I say more?

11:11 PM  
Blogger Neosamurai85 said...

Um... so that other readers don't get the wrong idea. Jack's brother's name is Waldo. Thus my reasoning for his finding the game funny.

2:14 AM  

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